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Ladies & Gents …
Do you know me? You may think you do, but I don’t think so.
I would love to add photos to this blog, but can’t because some people, if they saw it, wouldn’t be pleased (the photos would be gorgeous, but, … always that damned “but”). My apologies. Actually I have one I like of good friend Glen Williams. It follows.
We’re a lot of things that grow and mature over time. We have good and we have bad, and that is what makes us interesting. Every person I write about, every one—Errol Flynn, Ned Wynkoop, Geronimo, Olivia de Havilland—every one has good and bad in their lives, and that is what makes them interesting, what makes them worth writing about.
If you visited me and opened the wrong closet door you would be buried under several hundred pounds of bones. Does this make me a bad person? No. Does this make me an interesting person? Maybe.
By now you’ve seen that I have every intention of mixing my writing life with what is important to me. Let’s be up front here—women drive my life; mainly two—Marissa and my girlfriend … at the moment I don’t have a girlfriend, which gives you a hint where this blog is headed. Bear with me, I’m just a fellow who rambles.
For decades I have lived in two writing worlds. One allowed me to do damn near anything I pleased without batting an eye, while the other allowed me to write about what was important to me. Two lives, but one is about to end. Those of you who know me and know of both worlds know what will soon happen (probably by summer). Adios amigo—rest in peace. If you want to make a bet, place your money on Flynn, Wynkoop, and the reality/fantasy that I have lived since being a boy.
But there’s something else that drives me, has always driven me, and has always been in my life up until the shocking year of 2011. There is a hole in my life, a hole so large that perhaps it will never be plugged.
Rihanna’s “Stay” summarizes my life. I could say some words here that mean a lot to me, drive me, but might shock you. I’m toying with saying them, but I won’t. I’m good at description, and I’m also really good with dialogue (so be careful with what you say to me). I could perhaps turn you on, or shock you. Is this what I want to do? No.
A quick return to my writing world, … there’s a memoir coming, and trust me, for I will turn you on and I will shock you. Life goes in many different ways and the “good, the bad, and sensuous” are all part of it. “Ugly”? No, there’s no “ugly.” Sorry Clint.
We’re again talking about two worlds, but not the two worlds I just mentioned. For now we’re talking about the professional world (technical or freelance) and the personal world. I’m cocky as hell in the professional world (again, technical or freelance), but a lamb in a darkened woods with wolves moving in for the kill in the personal world. There are things in the personal world that I can never share with you, but know that I talk to Jesus about them every day—they are that important to me. I need to live to 120+ to protect the most dear thing in my life. But there’s another part to my personal life, and this needs to be plugged yet again to make me complete. I just sent an email to my bro Glen Williams about what looms before me. It isn’t for here … perhaps when you know me better. Perhaps never. I’m free with my thoughts, with my desires, … but normally only for close friends, for they know what drives me. I thought about opening up more here after emailing Glen, but changed my mind. I’m a normal guy, which means I’d shock the hell out of you.
Sorry, but we’ll need to save the juicy stuff for the future.